• Mon. Aug 15th, 2022

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Life Lately

Brain Dump

Hello! It’s been a while, eh? As I’m sure I’ve lamented on numerous occasions, I don’t often feel quite as compelled to post here on the blog anymore. The time spent creating a post vs the minimal feedback is a little off-putting. I know, I know, I should be doing it for myself, like the ‘good old days’, but I don’t get quite as much enjoyment out of spilling my guts on the internet as I once did. The older I get the less I want to be perceived, which a good social media personality doth not maketh. 

Days do come around every now and then when I feel like chatting but am not sure where to direct my thoughts- too abstract for Stories, too long for an IG caption. Then I see the web hosting bill pop up in my inbox…”oh yeah, that old thing”. So here I am!

I think the pandemic made a lot of us reassess things. It’s felt like the past few months have been the first where we’ve all been tentatively poking our heads out from behind our curtains, getting a peek at how reality looks in 2022. For me, it’s felt like a limbo- I’m now somewhat firmly in my thirties, and no matter how many times you read “you’re on your own timeline” in a nice pink font on Instagram, it’s inevitably a decade that forces you to think about your career, buying a home, or the potential of having children.

When you’re younger, you trust that it’s all in your future, and you can happily go about your business counting on the fact your older and wiser counterpart will earn enough money for you to afford that house deposit. And then at a certain point you realise you’ve arrived in the future, but it doesn’t look quite as you’d imagined (you haven’t opened a pension, for a start). Instead of renovating a house like half your Instagram feed, you’re buying multiple tickets to My Chemical Romance shows. Swings and roundabouts, eh? 

I’m sure our place (I say our, because I have no doubt that if you’re reading you’ll have your own version of these feelings, no matter which “milestones” are niggling at you) wouldn’t feel quite so diminished if we didn’t have hundreds of online lives to compare ours to. I have to remind myself to turn those feelings into inspiration and motivation- I might not be ready to buy a house just yet, but you bet I’ve got a packed Saved folder full of wallpaper, lamps and fabric samples.

And hey, multiple My Chemical Romance shows will make me a hell of a lot happier than sanding a floor. Maybe the path lined with gig tickets and moderately expensive weekends away is the one I’m meant to be on at the moment. Plenty of road left for sanding and wallpapering.

There is a lot to be said for living in the here and now, and whilst big picture stuff is great to assess every now and then, I have to remind myself not to get bogged down by it. 

I feel like I probably should have just written this in a private journal, and will almost definitely get that over-sharing hangover I experience anytime I post a Q&A on Instagram. But even if one of the five of you reading (hello!) worries that everyone else has their shit together, I’m here as a reminder that isn’t the case 😅 Shall we all agree to get started on that pension stuff, though? 

Lots of love x

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